Contact Etiquette
As
many of you are new to the swinging scene, it has
been suggested that perhaps some guidance on
contact etiquette would be useful.
Advertisers:
Please respond to all e-mails you receive
from respondents.
Most of them will have spent time plucking up
courage to write to you, and time thinking of
the right thing to say to get you to notice
them.
It does not need to be a long letter, a short
note saying something along the lines of "Thank
you for your response, but you do not match what
I am currently looking for, better luck next
time" will at least let the respondent know they
have failed. I know that I for one check my mail
eagerly after I send every response, hoping that
someone has written back to me.
If you are an escort advertising for business
please advertise only in the escort section. If
you are an escort advertising for play friends
please use a different e-mail address from that
used for your business. If I am made aware of
people being asked for payment when responding
to ads outside the escort area I will delete the
ad.
Respondents:
Always be polite.
Tell the advertiser what you like about their
ad.
Tell them how you think you will meet their
requirements.
If you enclose a picture show your face -
most people like to see the person, rather than
a piece of genitalia. If they like the look of
you, they will then ask for another picture,
a nude one if they want it. (some people do want
nude pictures from the start, but they will
usually say so in their ad).
Keep the language clean, match your response
to the ad. Don't go straight in with a hardcore
letter.
If you are turned down by an advertiser,
don't keep contacting them - you are not going
to make any friends by being a nuisance or
abusive. Just move on to the next advertiser.
We are bound to have missed a few points, if you
come up with some more, please feel free to write
and tell us at
info@benidormswingers.com
General Swinging Etiquette
The following article was written
by Ken & Lisa P.O. Box 246, Alameda, CA 94501
All of us want to be successful as swingers. It
doesn't matter how often, with whom, where, or in
what style we swing. One of the nicest things
about our lifestyle is that most of us relate to
each other with understanding, thoughtfulness, and
common courtesy; just as we ourselves wish to be
treated. If you employ the following suggestions
or adapt them to your own situation, you should
become a welcome participant.
1. BE COURTEOUS
Be aware that this is a lifestyle full of
insecurities, uncertainties and fears. Courteously
is how we all want to be treated - with kindness,
thoughtfulness, understanding and sensitivity. In
essence, courtesy is our treating people the way
we ourselves want to be treated. Remember the
Golden and Silver rules.
2. BE FRIENDLY
Whether or not you are personally interested in
swinging with someone, be polite. You never know,
you may share many other interests or you may meet
that person again, and they may introduce you to
someone with whom you ARE compatible and do wish
to share time.
3. RESPOND TO ALL INVITATIONS
RSVP means please reply to the invitation. It does
NOT mean reply only if you plan to attend. The
most frustrating part of hosting, be it a party, a
group or another couple, is people who are
discourteous enough not to respond, PERIOD. Good
etiquette and good social courtesy DEMAND you
respond, by either calling or writing to say yes
OR no.
4. NEVER ARRIVE EMPTY HANDED
When you go to someone's home for a party, ask if
there is something you can bring. (it's amazing
how many supplies, other than food are used up at
an average party.) If you are not going as a
couple, a house- gift is appropriate (and not
necessarily wine.)
5. GO PREPARED
Take whatever you personally are going to need
with you. Carry a small overnight bag for lingerie
or robe, hairbrush, comb, toothbrush, cologne,
intimate cleansing articles, condoms, etc.. If you
plan to stay over, sleeping bags or blankets and
pillows are necessities.
6. CLEANLINESS
Nothing turns a person off faster and more
effectively than an unclean body or un-fresh
breath. Even if you shower and perfume yourself
before you leave home, it is always a good idea to
freshen up again when you arrive at your
destination. It is amazing what time to drive
somewhere, stop for a bite, or whatever, can do or
rather UNDO.
7. RESPECT OTHERS FEELINGS
Beware, not everyone is comfortable in all
situations, Keep your eyes open for signs that
your partner, as well as others, is relaxed and
enjoying themselves. If someone is not
comfortable, try helping them over the rough
spots. Remember, you were a beginner once
yourself. If it is obvious that things are not
working out, remain polite and courteous; but
alert the host. Keep in mind that not all people
feel the same about things.
8. DON'T BE PUSHY
If you are interested in swinging with someone,
let them know in an inviting way; if they are
interested, they will respond positively. If they
are not and say "No, thank you," do not ask WHY.
No amount of sweet talk or coercion on your part
will change their mind and will probably work
against you. Everyone has the right to say "NO" at
all times, to anyone, without explanation. Do not
ever forget that.
9. ONLY DO WHAT IS FUN FOR YOU
Do not allow yourself to become sexually involved
with anybody that you are not interested in. There
is no reason to involve yourself in a scene that
you are not comfortable with. You are in the
lifestyle to enjoy yourself, so only do what you
want, when you want and with whom you want.
10. HOW AND WHY TO SAY NO
One of the basic etiquette's in swinging is the
right of anyone to say "No". Experience has taught
most people that everybody is not right for
everybody else. Improper handling of a situation,
can however lead to a lot of hurt or very bad
feelings. The swing world accepts the premise that
everyone has the right to say "No" to anyone at
anytime and it should be done with a simple "No
thank you". Never give an explanation, because
that is what usually causes the problems and the
pain.
11. ALCOHOL OR DRUGS
Most of us do not use drugs, although some of us
drink socially. At times, a few drinks are nice to
help you "relax". Over indulging may hamper your
physical abilities, as well as offend or turn
other people off to you. If you have to over
indulge in order to participate in swinging, you
are involved in the wrong lifestyle.
12. PRACTICE SAFER SEX
It is up to us to protect ourselves as well as our
partners. With the present concern over sexually
transmitted diseases such as syphilis, gonorrhoea,
aids, yeast infection, etc.., the use of condoms
should not offend anybody. Anyone not willing to
take this precaution is acting selfishly and
irresponsibly. You are not being accused of being
unclean, but simply someone wishes to provide you
both with protection.
13. CALL TO SAY THANKS
Most people only use the telephone if they are
going to go somewhere. Lost seems to the social
ambience of a 'Thank You Note' or phone call to
someone whose hospitality you enjoyed. It means a
lot to most people, and they will surely remember
you when planning their next event. Don't you like
to be thanked?
14. BE GOOD HOSTS
When you have people coming to your home, try to
anticipate their needs: put clean sheets on the
beds; keep plenty of clean washcloths and towels
available. Show your guests through the house so
that they will know where the bathrooms, kitchen,
and other rooms are located.
15. ANSWERING ADS
All replies to an ad should be answered in two
weeks even if it is a No. Remember not all people
you write to are interested in you or your
partners sexual heroics. A first letter should
include a brief description of yourselves, where
you saw the ad, your ad number and your social and
sexual interests. An SAE should be included with
your original reply as many couples receive a
large number of replies which can be costly to
reply to.
16. ENJOY YOURSELF
Most important, have a good time, act out your
fantasies, explore your own sexuality and enjoy
everything this lifestyle has to offer with
enthusiasm, laughter and a positive attitude.
Party Etiquette
1. RELAX and GET ACQUAINTED
When at an on-premise club or swing house party,
you are there to have the best of times and to
share the uninhibited enjoyment associated with
those who have discovered a new dimension in their
lifestyles. Once you have become familiar with the
surroundings and staff members or host/hostess,
try to become as at ease as you would be at any
other social gathering. Don't hesitate to
introduce yourselves to other people. You'll find
them eager to welcome you and to help you blend
into their circle of sincere camaraderie.
2. SOME TIPS ON ETIQUETTE
While you are advised to be congenial and
outgoing, don't be "pushy". Many couples who are
new to "swinging" often have unrealistic
expectations and are not prepared to handle
rejections that may sometimes occur. Freshly
showered, perfumed, and neatly dressed people make
more contacts. Don't let your personal physical
idiosyncrasies stop you from having a good time.
No one is perfect [although it is common for new
"swingers" to see others as more attractive or
more verbal as themselves]. Don't let your own
mind be your worst enemy. Be prepared to handle
rejection but don't take it personally.
It is important to remember that PERSONAL CHOICE
is the right of every individual and to 'respect
that right' is only common courtesy. Learn how to
accept "no thank you" graciously. Your approach --
which should be the same as it would be at any
social setting -- is a key factor to your
acceptance as a desirable partner/friend.
There are several variations to "swinging" and it
is important that you and your mate decide, in
advance, those which you like and dislike. Some
couples prefer to be alone, while others prefer to
be with other couples. Establish your own ground
rules, but please decide on them BEFORE you start
"swinging".
3. JOIN THE CONVERSATION
Some people will probably "break the ice" by
introducing themselves, along with other couples
they know. It's their way of making you feel at
home. Feel free to join their conversation and
you'll find that most of them will be happy to
answer any questions you may have about the
"swinging" lifestyle. Be open and honest. Tell
them that you are new to "swinging" and you'll
discover how helpful people can be.
4. START OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT
On your first venture into the swinging scene, you
may feel somewhat uneasy about seeing your mate
with someone else. Some "swingers" want to share
swinging with their mate and feel uneasy having
their mate leave to another room with someone.
Everyone has their own reasons for their feelings
and all feelings are real and should be respected.
To avoid embarrassment or disillusionment, discuss
your inhibitions with your mate beforehand. Both
of you may be more comfortable after talking to
other couples and learning how they handled their
first "swinging" session.
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